He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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