well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
