My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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