We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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