ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
