I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
