I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
