I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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