JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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