the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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