the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
