i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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