3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
