You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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