You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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