How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
