I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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