I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize