hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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