Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
