I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize