Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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