We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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