I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
