so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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