when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
