Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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