When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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