i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think i have two assholes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
