Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
