Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
