All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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