would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
