this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize