I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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