For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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