Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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