we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
