seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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