Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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