He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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