Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize