Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
