the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
