Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
