Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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