I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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