Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
