I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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