id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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