the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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