My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
