the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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