ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
