the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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