it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize