Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
