oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
