I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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