Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
