I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
