I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
