I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
