You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
