so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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