Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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