eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
